not on the list

Today I just need to write.

I had more blood work done. I went to the hospital today with high hopes. A week and a half ago I was at 620 something. I was hoping that they had gone down by half. I prayed. I put it in the Lord's hands. And I waited the three hours before calling for the results.

They went up again. 820 something, I think. I don't really remember. All I know is that I was shocked. What was going on? Again, the questions came to mind that always do...is it spreading? am I pregnant? what is going on? what is the doctor going to say?

After talking with my mom, we decided to call a different doctor and get his opinion. I talked with the nurse, told her the whole story and waited for her to call me. After only 15 minutes, she called and told me that it was out of the dr's hands and that I would need to see a specialist.

He's an OBGYN Oncologist. And the nurse says that he will take good care of me. I'm supposed to call them tomorrow. Apparently, I'm a high risk patient at this point.

I'm scared. I'm numb. I'm devastated. I'm sad.

Please keep me in your prayers. Maybe that's selfish, but I need prayers.