Relief

The last few weeks have been really exhausting for my family and me. We have been working crazy hours since the beginning of may. And let me tell you, I am beat. I am still teaching, so I get up at 5:00 to go to school, then I would leave school and go to the nursery to work. At times I was there until 8:30 or 9:00. Then I would go home and try to get some rest before the next day.

The papers were signed a couple of weeks ago and I became the owner of a new townhome. I decided to paint and so after school and the nursery I would go paint for a while. I have become so tired that I don't think I can do it another day. Sometimes I am so tired that I get sick to my stomach. So, following much needed advice, I slowed down on the painting and have been taking things a little more slowly.

Yesterday, I stopped at mom's and dad's house for a little break, and was weeding my garden. I was so relaxing and peaceful. I got to listen to the birds and watch the ants. I was content. Then, the best part of the day came; Sami came over. I haven't seen my nieces in so long and I have missed them. She made my heart so happy!!

So I spent 20 minutes with her playing on the swing until her mom came to get her. It truly is the simple things in life that makes me happy. I loved listening to her laugh as she was swinging and kicking her feet to try to hit me. I loved seeing her smile. And that 20 minutes, was the relief that I needed from way too much stress.

Ferron

Did you know that the world is bigger in Ferron?

It's true. The houses are smaller, because the world around is bigger. The sky is bigger; the stars are brighter and closer; the air is clearer; and it just seems more grandiose than life here in the 'city'. :)

Plus, I got to see cute baby pigs! They are way cute and I really wanted to adopt one, but alas, I don't know a thing about raising pigs. There was one little guy that didn't look so good. I really wanted to make him all better, but what do I do? Once again, I don't know a thing about pigs.

Plus, I saw a garden that puts my little garden to shame. I guess it's the thought that counts. :)

Plus, I got to spend time with Cory, which was a blast! His family is great and we had a nice, relaxing day together.

Plus, I found a new favorite song! (well, really Cory found it) I'm going to try to post it so that you can all hear it, but I think you will love it!

All in all, Ferron is cool!

PIE!!!

Guess what?

Cory came over last night, and he brought me pie!

This is significant because he has made like 4 or 5 pies in the last few weeks, and he loves to tell me when he is eating them and how good they taste. Then I really want some pie and get all jealous that I don't get any.

So, he was very so nice and made pies yesterday and surprised me with one. And it tasted sooo good! He is very talented!

I love pie!

Did you know?

That disneyland is a magical place? I would have never been the one to admit to that, but when I went with Noelle, Becca and Amanda last august, I realized what fun it really is. The best part was spending time with the sisters. We hit all the rides, stayed up late and ate lots of food! It was a great time!

My favorite part was the fireworks. I love fireworks! They are magical to me. I love the colors and the brightness. And they make the whole world around look different. Today is one of those random days when I would love to go back to disneyland to have fun and enjoy the fireworks again.

Let's get going girls. :)

We survived!

Mothers Day weekend at the nursery has come and gone. And the Platt family made it out alive, once again. I took the day off of school to help out, and it was nice to be outside and with the family, making sure they had enough customer service for the masses. We opened at 8 Friday morning, and worked hard all day and stayed there until 9:30 that night. Then some of the brave employees were there at 6:30 Saturday morning, but I didn't make it until 7. We were busy all day and never once slowed down. And remained open until about 8:30. Needless to say, we are all very, very, very exhausted. But when all is said and done....

I am happy! I have lots of reasons to be happy. I have a house. I have a job. I have another job. I have a great family! I have a great friend who keeps me smiling and I have the gospel.

What more could a girl ask for?

Complicated

Life is complicated. There are never really any clear answers. And just when we think we have it all figured out, something else happens. And we have to re focus and re center ourselves to find the peace again.

I met my ex fiance in September of 2007. We had emailed over a five month period and he came to the US to meet me. He was here a short time, and before he left, he proposed. Looking back, I don't really think that was what he wanted to do, or even what I wanted. There was pressure on many sides for him to propose before he left for Guatemala. It was a difficult relationship from the beginning. Cultural differences were big, the language barrier was hard and I never felt completely comfortable with myself.

He left toward the end of November with promises of returning in May. There was little communication between us at this point and it was hard to keep the relationship alive. I visited him in March and had a nice time, but once again there were some difficulties that were too hard for me to assimilate. I left Guatemala, once again with promises that it would be better when he was in the US. He ended up postponing the wedding until the end of June.

During that time, he postponed the wedding again, but came up for a visit during the time we were to be married. I had heard so little from him during this time that I really struggled with his visit up here. He was happy and after some time with him, I felt like it could work. But there were still many problems and concerns to work out. He left with the promise that communication would be better. It wasn't. I heard from him once in the first three weeks of his return to Guatemala. I was hurt and I was frustrated and I no longer knew that I wanted to be married. I didn't want to always take the back burner. I didn't want to be forgotten in our marriage, like I was in our courtship.

I offered a couple of times to live in Guatemala while he finished his school. That way we could be together and start our life together. The first time he said no. The second time, I found out he was no longer studying; working toward the end goal that he had promised me he would take place. I was devastated. We were to be married in December, but this time, I postponed things. I knew that I couldn't marry a man that I hardly knew and one who didn't make me a priority. That was a hard time in my life. A time of trying to move on, and feeling stuck.

It has been two months now since I ended the engagement. And during that two months, I have felt peace and happiness once again. I have been working toward making my life meaningful for me. I bought a house, with the help of my parents. I am working toward starting my masters degree. I even went out on a date. :) And I feel good.

But for some reason, it seems to come back occasionally. I feel that I have to justify my actions and my decisions. I have to re-explain what went wrong and why I made the decision that I did. I have to reassure those around me that I am praying. That I am studying my scriptures. That I am going to the temple. That I am seeking the Lord's will. That I don't mean to be mean. That I just want someone who will love me for me. Who will let me fly. Who will help me laugh. Who thinks for me when my brain turns all girly. And who understands that really, that's all I want.

Murphy is a good man. He taught me many things. He helped me to grow and change in positive ways. But he is not for me. And now comes the hope of someone new and learning and growing in other ways.

Desire, Heart and Frustration

Sami is filled with more heart and umph, than any other little girl that I know. She gets so excited about everything and gives her all to everything. Lately we have all been at the nursery a lot, cause it's that time of year. She has been learning all sorts of new things. She watched as her dad pulled the big, heavy, metal gate shut to end the day. It took her a couple of days, and she was trying herself. This little girl, fought to get this gate to shut. And in the meanwhile, I caught it on camera. She is adorable!!!



the desire



the heart



the frustration