Moments

I have moments in my life when I am completely at ease with myself and my progress. There are also moments in my life when I am totally confused about who I am and what may come next. I have always struggled with my physical appearance. If you were to see a picture of me, you would think I was a pretty normal girl. But, that's just it. You don't see many pictures of me. I am not comfortable with who I am.

I have tried so many different diets, thinking that the next one is the one. This time it'll be different. I won't feel like I'm starving. I won't feel lightheaded. I won't be discouraged and give up. I won't hit the same plateau. I won't gain the weight back. I recently tried the HCG diet, till I hit the same plateau, and I wasn't comfortable with their ideas for getting off the plateau, so I stopped. And it has been a steady incline of my weight since then. Slow, mind you, but steady. I feel terrible! Like I failed again.

A few weeks ago, I started reading a book called Intuitive Eating. This is a book focused on throwing out the diet mentality. Getting rid of the idea that there is a quick fix to the problem. I have learned that I have ruined my metabolism through all my dieting. I have learned that I don't trust myself with food. I have learned that I am afraid that if I don't eat it NOW, I won't ever get it again. I have learned that I have bought into the idea that I am somehow not good enough because I am not a size 2. And I am trying to find my intuitive eater. The one that says if I am hungry, it's okay to eat. The one that says that if I am craving a piece of chocolate, it's okay to eat it. Just don't eat the whole bag. The intuitive eater that says if I am satisfied, than I need to stop eating and when I get hungry I can come back for more. I don't have to eat till I am stuffed.

And, really, I am learning. But last night, I had convinced myself that I needed to go on the HCG diet again. And I tried to convince my sister to do it with me. Even though I think she knows that it really isn't a good idea. And it took me an hour or so lying in bed to remember all that I was learning and that it would be a bad idea.

I think we all have something like this in our lives. Times when there is one thing we just don't feel like we measure up in. Today I am trying to remind myself of all those moments in my life when I did measure up. The times I accomplished something or did something nice for someone else. The times when I totally did something I never thought I would be able to do; like teach. We all have moments in our lives that we should be proud of and focus on more. The moments that make us happy and at peace.

That is my goal today!

Joy

What do you find joy in? I would love to hear from you. I find joy in so many things...

-baths
-scriptures
-Cory
-family
-Micky
-stars
-Christmas trees


The list could go on and on. Let's see how many things we can find joy in as you add your comments.

Choose-This-Day

Choose-This-Day

I woke up this morning knowing it was going to be a rough day. Yesterday was awful! The kids were so rude and I was exhausted and so today I didn't seem to have much in me to give. My classes so far have been ok, but I keep finding myself short of patience and love as I deal with these silly teenagers. When the bell rang for my second class to leave, I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew I would have an hour and a half to re-group and try to figure out how to make it through my last, very large class. As I sat here, I knew that if I found something uplifting it would make a difference.

President Eyring did it for me. He is inspiring and full of love. I know that I need to be loving and kind. I need to try today to be a better teacher. Whether or not yesterday was awful, today is a new day. The kids today don't know what happened yesterday, so it is my job to be kind and loving to them. I have much to learn, but pray that I will be stronger to do all that I can to show these students love and respect. I watched a video that spoke such peace to my heart. For some reason it wouldn't add to my post, but by clicking on the title, you will be directed to the video.

I just want to say that the Church is true. God lives and He loves us. Christ understands ALL our needs and feelings. I feel so blessed to know that I am a member of the church and that I can find comfort in the teachings. I love President Eyring and felt such a peace as I listened to his testimony and felt of the love he has for the gospel as well as for each of us.

Los Kuna

There is a group of indigenous people that live on the islands off the coast of Panama. They are known as the Kuna Indians. There are over 300 islands in the archipelago, however only a small number of those islands are populated. They are hard working and very dedicated to their families.

Years ago, I had the privilege of living on the island of Nargana. Nargana was connected by bridge to another island, Corazon de Jesus. I was there on these islands for three months and fell in love with the culture, the ocean, the simplicity of life and the cat I adopted to kill the rats. :)

One of the things I loved the most was their dress. They are so talented and I consider the Mola (the shirt they wear) as a piece of art. Not just a shirt for them. They spend day after day designing and sewing these shirts. Often they are made for themselves, but lately they are also made for trade and sale to others as a way of making more money for their homes and families.

One of my dreams is to own as many molas as I can. I use them in my classroom, and actually have my students attempt making one every year. I miss the islands. I miss my friends. I miss their simple smile they made as they talked about the only mergi on the island. How I wish I could go back!

:)

I just wanted to say that I love Cory! He is sweet and kind and funny and makes me feel so good about myself.

Maybe one day I'll post a picture. I just have to find one. :)

Gratitude...

Today one of the things that I am most grateful for about Utah is the landscape. A few years ago we took a family road trip down to Zions. We have some family in St. George and every now and then we are able to escape. I love the mountains! Ever since we were little, we have spent much of our vacation time in the mountains. This is a photo that I took while we were down there. There is such a grandeur in the mountains and I feel very close to the Lord when I am in the mountains. I hope that I never have to live far from them.

Once upon a time...

There was a girl that lived in a far away land. This land was a hard land. There was no running water. No electricity. Rats in the roof. And very different cultural differences between her and the people of the land.

But this girl LOVED this land. And she would give anything to go back. She loved the view from her front porch and longs to feel the ocean breeze on her face again as she greets the day.

One day, she says.

One day...