After a very long night of waking up over stupid things and not ever falling into a deep sleep, I thought to myself "it's ok, today is Friday." I can do 5:30 a.m. one more day, becuase it's the weekend.
I felt a little drugged as I stumbled to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I was so tired. Then I had a thought while brushing my teeth. I thought "it's been a week since you last weighed yourself, you should do that today". Why? What is the point? I literally get scared when I go to weigh myself. I dread it.
Today I weighed 6 lbs more than I did last week. Is that even possible? I eat mostly healthy. I am more careful than I should be. I try really hard to exercise regularly. And yet the weight just seems to be piling on. And really, this shouldn't be that big of a deal, but I am a little messed up when it comes to my weight. The family could confirm this for you. So, the struggle mentally began...
What did you eat?
How much did you eat?
What diet havn't you tried?
No DIETS!!!
But, how do I lose weight without a diet?
You promised Heavenly Father no more diets.
Don't you think He'll understand?
Is He testing me?
What am I supposed to learn from this?
Is is the birth control?
The internet says that is a myth.
But, why so much in one week?
Maybe you should just give up on food and stop eating.
That's the wrong answer.
But what do I do?
How do I just be happy with me?
What would the doctor tell me?
MY doctor would say, exercise more.
What does he know about me anyway?
Who do I talk to?
Why now? Right before the wedding.
Do I look horrible?
How come my clothes still fit?
I don't understand...
And really, that will go on all day. I'm heartbroken and devastated. I don't know how to fix this one. I just need to find happiness with me, I know. I am trying and maybe will get there one day. I guess Heavenly Father knew that I could handle this one. Hope He'll help me again, cause I can't cry when the kids start coming in.
Been there. You're not alone. It IS OK.
ReplyDeleteAs a side note, I experimented once because I didn't buy the numbers on the scale. I weighed myself like 5 times in one day, my weight fluctuated 5 POUNDS IN ONE DAY. It could be a ton of different things, and it's OK.
Bottom line, you are loved exactly as you are.
Hey Tiff,
ReplyDeleteIt really isn't just a myth being on birth control can make your weight fluctuate. Take it from someone who's been there. Anyway, hang in there. And yes you are loved just the way you are!!!
Tiff
Um...one word...S-T-R-E-S-S!!! You are planning your wedding and who knows what else you've got going on that is causing the "S word". Stress will make the most disciplined gain weight. And the internet is lying. Every woman I know who has even been on birth control has gained weight. Combine that with your stress and there is your 6 lbs. Mystery solved. Now no more worrying. You are beautiful.
ReplyDeletethanks ladies. I needed to hear it...again.
ReplyDeletexoxo