my cup runneth oer

This morning marks a week that I have been in the hospital.  I've never spent such a prolonged amount of time being watched and studied and cared for.  Needless to say, it has been an emotional week.  My emotions are so on the surface as changes have taken place and we have begun a new journey.  Just to chronical a bit of what has happened, I'll do a bit of a play by play. 

Last Wednesday, I had a routine check-up with a perinatologist to assertain the severity of the placenta previa as well as my high blood pressure.  When she did the ultra sound, everything looked good and baby Winn was healthy and strong.  She took one look at my blood pressure and they admitted me to the hospital for overnight observation.  They didn't want to risk me having pre-eclampsia. 

Thursday, the doctor came in and informed me that my protein levels were so high, that I wouldn't be going home.  I would probably be looking at a hospital stay the length of the pregnancy.  That was still two months down the road.  I was shocked to say the least.  I am not much of one for sitting around and doing nothing.  I couldn't even imagine sitting in a hospital bed the entire length of the pregnancy.  But, I was willing to do it.  I wanted to make sure that Winn had every possible chance at a long, healthy stay in the womb so that he could develop. 

They did diagnose me as having severe pre-eclampsia.  It wouldn't go away until after the baby was born.  It would only cause my health to decline and eventually, they would have to take the baby early to avoid any serious complications to my health or that of the baby.  By Saturday, things looked good.  The pre-eclampsia hadn't begun affecting my other organs and Winn seemed to be doing well.  I had a bit of a discouraging day that day and felt that something was off.  I wasn't well physically and felt that things just kept getting worse.  I asked the nurses so many questions that I felt like they were ready to be rid of me.  But no news is always good news, right?!?

Sunday, I had a number of visitors which was such a blessing.  I had been feeling so yucky and so scared and it was nice to have the support and the distraction from the current situation.  Cory had been with me all day and I was so grateful for his love and kindness through everything.  I sent him home around 7:00 or so, because the dog needed some love and attention too.

The nurses kept coming in that night because Winn was having a hard time keeping his heart rate up.  I was so scared and so worried about my baby.  By 2:30 or 3:00, there were five nurses in my room all trying to keep baby Winn healthy.  Within minutes, we were being wheeled down to the OR and I was trying to call Cory to come ASAP.  I was crying.  Cory told me he got there just as they were wheeling the baby to the NICU.  I was glad that he made it in time to go with him.  Winn was only 2.5 pounds and was as tiny as could be.  I didn't get to see him until the next day.

When I did see him for the first time, I was amazed at how little he was.  I knew that he needed to be in my womb still growing and developing, and yet my body had failed and hadn't provided him a safe environment.  What a miraculous day we live in to be able to have the advances of modern medicine to keep him and me alive.  He is a fighter and has been doing so well on his own.  His team of doctors and nurses are so pleased with his growth and strength. 

The best day of my life was when they allowed me to hold him.  We don't get to do that very often, as it is too hard for him to maintain his body heat, and we can't allow him to lose weight due to loss of heat.  But when I felt his little body next to my heart, I think my soul melted and I fell under his control.  I love this little boy so much!  I would do anything in the world to save him and to care for him.  It was the hardest thing in the world having to let him go and be placed back under his warm lights. 

We still have a long journey ahead of us.  Winn will be here in the NICU for at least 2 months.  He will need so much support and care and help as he tries to develop fully outside of the womb.  I will try to do my best about keeping those of you who read this updated and informed of is journey and our recovery together.  Thank you all for your love and kindness.  The prayers have been felt and the kindness shown has been humbling.  I love you all dearly and again thank you for all that you have said and done in support of my my little Winn.