1st night home

Last night was harder than I had anticipated.  I was ready to be home.  I missed my puppy.  I missed my bed.  Mostly I missed sleeping well.  But when all was said and done, I felt like most of me was missing.  I crawled into bed and after saying prayers with Cory, I burst into tears.   I wanted to be with little Winn.  I didn't want him to be in the hospital without us.  I wanted to know that he was being taken care of and that he was okay.  I felt a piece of my heart was broken.  At the same time, I am so very grateful that he is where he is, because I know that he is getting the best care ever.  He is watched over and fed, loved and kept warm.  And mostly, he is growing and developing like he should.

Every time we talk with one of the doctors or nurses, they exclaim over our little Winn.  He is such an amazing baby!!  He never fusses, he isn't sick, he tolerates my milk beautifully, he breathes on his own, and he does everything he is supposed to do.  They keep us informed of what could happen and any possible dangers that he might encounter.  Over the next little while, he has an increased chance of getting an infection, especially as they continue to increase his milk amount.  They also try to keep the lines clean that are attached to his umbilical chord, but there is also a risk of infection there. 

They talked with us today about the possibility of putting in a pic line, which would allow him to get his needs met without pricking him over and over again.  But if he can make it six more days with the line in his umbilical chord, we might be able to bypass the pic line altogether.  It's all up to him.  How he moves, how he sleeps, whether or not it gets pulled to hard, etc.  But here's hoping it will last a few days more.

Today for our visit they allowed both Cory and I to hold little Winn.  Although it was a bit uncomfortable at first, we had our shirts off and held him skin to skin.  This is especially important for these little preemies, as they need as much heat as possible to keep them warm.  There has never been anything so peaceful in my life as holding my little one as close to me as possible and letting him know I'm going to care for him for always.  He laid there in our arms content and warm for over an hour.  It brought me such overwhelming happiness.

They also had me change his diaper and take his temperature.  It might not seem like a lot, but when he is smaller than your favorite cafe rio burrito, it really makes the daily 'chores' of life exciting and fun.  We get to go back tonight again and hopefully have the chance again to help with his diaper and such and to hold him.  We only get to hold him twice a day, so we have to take advantage.

Thank you, God, for sending me this beautiful spirit and for giving me the chance to be his mom.