Hey all, just wanted to give you a quick update. You have all been so good and kind and supportive. Thanks!
The results came back and as we suspected, I wasn't pregnant. That is a good thing, although I really wish I was and this whole thing would go away. :) So, Monday they called and told me the news and informed me that I would need to go directly to the hospital after school for the Chemo shots. They are a very low dose chemo and we are hoping that there won't be many of them.
They gave me two, one in each hip and can I just say YUCK! They hurt so bad! I felt like a big baby. Then next Monday I get more blood work done to check my HCG levels. IF they are in the negatives, then I won't have to do more chemo shots, unless they go back up again. IF they aren't a negative, then I will have to do more shots until they are down to a negative. As soon as the numbers stay in the negative and they don't rise for a few weeks, then I am in the clear. (I think). Doctors have a way of finding other reasons to see patients.
I wasn't in a good place Monday and most of Tuesday. I was angry and hurting and lightheaded and dizzy. This medication plays with my head and the whole world feels like it's going to tip over at any minute. But I gave it a few days and now feel comfortable with the situation. I know that God is in charge and I trust Him.
Thanks to all of you for your love and support!
xoxo
Tiffany
Dear Tiffany, I am so sorry that you have to go through this experience. I wish it could have been different for you, that you could be having a baby instead of an illness. You have so much love to give, and you will be a wonderful mother. Maybe it feels like that day might not ever come, but it will. It's very hard when you feel like you have so much to offer, so much to give, and you don't get the chance to give it. I know how that feels. I lost my first pregnancy, too. Plus three more. But I ended up with four wonderful, beautiful daughters, whom I adore. I wondered, and everyone else wondered too, if I would ever be able to have children. My dad, on the day of my D&C, even said "Well, maybe you won't be able to have kids, and you'll just have to adopt". I guess he was trying to make me feel better, but I cried and cried about that. There's nothing wrong with crying. You go ahead, because you are entitled to that. Just know that we are crying with you, and looking forward to a better day!
ReplyDeleteThank you Marie! It helps to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you for sharing a piece of your story with me! I've heard the adoption thing too, and it is hard. But we are going forward surviving each day with help from God. Thanks again!
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