why and how

I know it's been a while since I've last written, but I haven't had anything to say that wouldn't make people wonder if I'm not just some mean crazy lady.  Today is different.

Today my heart is so full!  I turned 33 in the middle of September, and while I know that I'm not old, I feel really old.  I should have been having babies already.  Yet it continues to be my job to learn from this trial.  I've had some pretty wonderful experiences with my Heavenly Father that have let me know that it is all okay.  Somehow, He will make it all work for my benefit.

Even though I know all of this, there are days when it just seems so hard.  I have a student this year that is fifteen.  She's a sophomore.  And I'm about 95% positive that she is pregnant.  When I see her, my heart starts to work its way through all the emotions it feels.  Sadness, worry, concern, anger, hurt, frustration, love, tenderness and jealousy. 


Why?  Why do some people have to start life with so many difficult decisions and so many hard trials?  Why do others have to wait for years and years to have a baby to be told it isn't possible?  I always come to the same answer; only God knows.  And that's okay on most days.  But occasionally, there are days when all I really want to know is why.  I somehow think that if I knew the why it would make it easier.  That may not be true, but my mind says it is. 

I'm not allowed to talk to this student until she approaches me.  I think that is horrible!  Does she have support?  Is she seeing a doctor?  Is she taking vitamins?  Is she okay mentally?  Does the father support her?  Is she alone?  I can only imagine the feelings that a 15 year old would have in that situation. 

So in the meantime, I find ways to love her.  To show her that I am here for her.  I want her to know that she can trust me.  I want her to know that there are so many options out there for her.  I want her to understand that she doesn't have to do this alone. 

I may not know the why today, but I do know that the how is just as important.  So, I just keep asking what more I can be doing to help her and how will that help the situation.   And maybe one day, I'll get to be the one to experience the creation of life.