this is killing me slowly....

So, at the beginning of the month, I posted some concerns that I had for a student who I thought was pregnant.  I was constantly worried about her and wondering if she was getting the help that she needs.  I now have an update.

My husband and I decided to go to the orientation meeting for LDS Services to figure out if adoption was right for us.  This was on a Friday.  We walked away from the meeting feeling like maybe the timing of it all was wrong, but still had the initial packet just in case we changed our minds.  I was emotional and frustrated and wondered what Heavenly Father wanted us to do. 

A couple of hours passed and I received a phone call from my department head at school.  She never calls; so I was worried that I had just lost my job.  However, her friend had called her and asked her about me and wondered if we would be interested in adopting.  You see, the neighbor of said friend had a daughter that was 15 and pregnant.  Within another two hours, the 15 year old's father called and wanted to know if we were interested in adopting.  This 15 year old happens to be my student. 

We were astonished; ecstatic; emotional; stressed; etc.  "Of course" was my response.  He told me a little bit about the situation and asked me some questions and we agreed to go through LDS services. 

We were rushed into an appointment with our case worker and had an interview set up.  We met for the first time and we were ready for the next phase.  Our case worker informed us that the birth mother was feeling pressured to choose right now and that she wasn't sure what she wanted.  So, they encouraged us to be patient and to wait.  Wait until she makes her decision.  Wait until she makes contact with you.  Wait.

And so, we wait.  I have colors picked out and ready to go.  I have decor ideas for the nursery.  I have cleaned and organized as much as I can.  I have thought of names and wondered if she has thought of names.  And yet, I don't know if she will choose us.  She is due in December.  Her parents gave her until December 1 to make her decision.  We have nothing.  Noelle has kindly offered her car seat and stroller that Emily no longer uses.  She offered binkies and bottles and has promised to hold onto them until we know. 

Oh how I long to know.  How I wish that I could plan.  I want to get excited and drive everyone crazy with the incessant talking about it.  But I have to wait.

And that might kill me little by little. 

(But secretly, I'm still excited!)