how would you feel if....

So, the last few days have been a bit rough for me.  I think I've had a bit of a relapse into my depressed, angry, sad self who can't understand why I don't get to have a baby.

I even left a lovely family home evening early because I just couldn't deal with the four babies that seemed to be screaming "neener neerer".  (I know they weren't, but boy if felt like it)

I thought I was doing okay yesterday when a student of mine (a 17 year old), informed me that she was two months pregnant.  With her second child.  She kept the first one.   He's two.  It took all of my strength and ability to speak rationally and calmly with her about her decision to keep the baby and how excited she was and her concerns about how she was going to pay for everything.  Then she informed me that her foster mom was going to buy everything that she needed for the baby.  How nice!?! 

And for hours after and into the wee morning hours of today, I can only think of one word.  WHY?

Why do so many women have to struggle with infertility when they are prepared and able and willing to be mothers?  Why do so many teenage girls get pregnant and choose abortion or to keep the baby in what seems impossibly difficult circumstances?  Why?

I don't think it's my job to find the answer while on this earth; but boy are my Heavenly Father and I going to have a long talk one day about the reasons. 

In the meantime, I see my student today.  The one who may or may not choose us for adoption, and somehow I have to find a smile and a positive attitude and support her in whatever she says today. 

*sigh*