on being blessed

At this time last year,  I was in the beginning stages of pregnancy; hopeful and excited and nervous and happy.  I can't believe that it has been a year since then.  So much has happened in such a short amount of time.  For many in my family, not just me. 

In that year, I have undergone surgery, chemotherapy, struggled with depression, cried enough for ten women, and have witnessed many miracles and blessings.  If we were to know beforehand what we were to experience, I don't think we would ever believe that we could handle the difficulties or the trials.  I think it would be too much for our minds to comprehend.  I think it's a blessing that we are given trials that we don't necessarily know about.  Looking back, I can't believe I survived what I went through.  And believe me, there were times when I didn't think that I would survive. 

The hardest challenge for me through all of this has been to see the positive side of things.  To really be at peace with the way things were turning out.  I still struggle with that; maybe more than I should.  I still feel that life is unfair.  I feel that I am not quite complete.  I don't feel happy much of the time.  But there are times, when I can see through all of that depression and know that I have been truly blessed.

My husband has been so kind and so patient.  He typically gets the worst of the worst.  And he still loves, cherishes and comforts me.  My family has been supportive and understanding, even when they can't understand.  My students have been a blessing because I can forget about the difficulties for the day and focus on them.  The  Savior has carried me more this last year than ever.  He has always been on my side cheering me on.  The Spirit has been there to comfort and love even when I didn't feel that I deserved that love.  My mom has let me cry and complain and has never once been impatient.  My sister Heather is much the same.  And they still love me. 

The doctors have finally decided that it's okay for me to try to have a baby again.  They have finally agreed to help me fulfill that desire.  I still don't know the outcome or the journey that I will have to take to be a mother.  But I know that in the end, it will all be what Heavenly Father has planned for me. 

I feel blessed today.